It's been about a year since I last posted on this blog. It's incredible how much your life can change in a year. Some great things have happened to move my writing career forward. Hopefully I'll be able to share those soon. But the most amazing thing in my life happened five months ago: I became a foster mom.
When I first decided to become a foster parent, I scoured the Internet and bookstores for any kind of personal stories. I was desperate for any insight into the inner workings of a foster household. I was filled with doubt and questions. Could I do this as a single parent? Was I crazy? How could I provide the best home for a child? What do I say when they cry? How do I get them to eat their vegetables? What if they get sick and I have to take them to the doctor? I talked to other foster parents and read Fosterhood and Single Foster Mommy. I found answers to some of my questions. But my biggest question remained unanswered. Can I really do this?
If you're reading this post and thinking about becoming a single foster parent, you may have the same doubts, fears, and questions. I often felt in those early days like I was peering into a darkened window and seeing only myself reflected back. I wanted to see past the darkness to the other side. I wanted to see success and a happy child. But in fostering I quickly learned, the only thing that is known is that there will be unknowns. There will be uncertainty and poor communication and things that will make you want to rip out your eyeballs. But yes, there will also be wonderful days that make it all worthwhile.
And I found the answer to my question. No, I can't do it. Not alone. In fact, I was completely delusional to even think that I could. Foster parenting is hands-down the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I need the support of my wonderful parents, my friends, my social worker, a hair stylist, and a babysitter. I need peace and quiet. I need a break.
But you know what? I'm still doing it. There are days when I'm completely overwhelmed and other days that I feel like a rockstar foster parent. It doesn't matter that I can't do it alone. It doesn't matter that sometimes we don't eat vegetables for dinner. The only thing that matters is my 8-year-old foster daughter. She is bright, opinionated, talented, resilient, athletic, and musical. She is also stubborn, moody, and has a very different concept of personal space than I do. When she started calling me "Mom" it scared the crap out of me. I'll be honest, I don't feel like her mom. I feel like her adoring auntie. But somehow, we've stumbled our way into a version of a family. And I love her. I love her so much.
When I'm having a rough day, I think back to the reason why I became a foster parent. I had love to give, and there are kids that need to be loved. It's as simple as that. In my heart, I know I'm fostering for the right reason.
So if you're reading this, and you're still unsure or scared, think about the reason why you want to be a foster parent. If you are doing this to "help" a kid, then you may be disappointed. The "help" you can give is a tiny drop in a very dry bucket. The foster care system is broken. Society is broken. You can't fix it. What you will do is give. You may get nothing in return. You'll give your love, your time, your energy, your money, your patience, and, most importantly, your stability. You have to be the rock in the storm of a child's life.
After my daughter goes back to her family, I am sure I'll have more to say. Right now though, it feels like we are in the middle of a journey. I am so grateful for all of the people in my life who have been supporting me. If you know someone who is a foster parent, they need your support. They also need the number of a good babysitter!
